Well, right now I'm more than 5k words behind with NaNoWriMo. It's mostly because I have a ton of school work, and I never feel motivated enough to start writing as soon as I finish something like... an essay on rabbis' interpretations of the Torah (yeah, fun). It's not that I'm running out of ideas, either--my strategy of just writing whatever the hell comes to mind at the moment is kind of working pretty good, so far. But my story makes no freaking sense. I didn't outline a plot or even at least write a sentence long synopsis. Nope. So yeah, as I write I have this vision of myself trekking confidently through a forest even though I left my compass at home and the tree boughs are blocking my entire view of the sky. I had an urge to start all over again, but then I realized that I'm actually having fun writing, even though what I'm writing is utter crap. And I seriously am curious of how the plot will unravel on its own. I'm never completely satisfied with anything I write, anyway, so I might as well let myself enjoy the probably ineffectual process.

It's so easy for me to get bogged down in the grammar and diction and syntax and symbolism and continuity and etc. etc. etc., and that makes me forget just how much I love writing (not that those things aren't important). Even when writing is pure torture to me, if a single person finds something in my writing that they connect with, then all that anguish is worth it when I get that warm feeling of satisfaction.